Width: 16.51Height: 35
From the artist:
“Melatonin” / automatic drawing : take melatonin for sleep ease . As it starts to kick in it makes you feel giddy and fuzzy, also really tired. Almost as though you’ve been punched into a coma (a really beautiful sleep coma tho) As I’d been waiting I started to paint and made a mess of splatters and splotches with watercolours, the next night while melatonins effects crept up on me I drew this without thinking.
well… this being the Salvageable drawing from the train wreck of scratches and scribbles of random doodles it became. At least this part of my first attempt of drawing and painting with sleep aid came out good.
Had spent a brief time in a short term ward due to rock bottom depression and didn’t get much time in the split second I was there to do much more than sleep and rest. It’s my third and hopefully final time on very short admission to a hospital, neurological changes which can occur with the disease I’ve became struck by can have effects of clinical depression, anxiety disorder, psychosis and delusions.
had experienced all in the past, especially early on in the illness development and feel fortunate to only see the ugly rear head of clinical depression and heightened anxiety 5 years into the progression and I’m the first stage of YOPD.
This image was fuelled by first and foremost Drowsiness and Energy. Also upset, hope, frustration.
can’t remember if it was Neil young or Micheal Kiwanuka playing in my headphones at the time, however, it certainly felt like bliss and fuelled the lines I’d tried to quickly and boldly place.
automatic drawing is an exercise I’m doing my best to keep on top of this year (2022) as well as making simpler lines and shapes, being more illustrative and less realistic. as with YOPD it can be hard to recognise shapes, make bold lines and get momentum going as things are much slower on uptake and progress for me these days. I’m hopeful to keep trying, moving forward as drawing helps my day to day cognitive function and also the more I do the better it gets in mood and so on. Feels a shame that recognising lines, shapes and even moving my utensil around has became second nature and takes so much concentration and thought just to do the simplest of lines and shapes. might not look like it but it truly is a constant battle and struggle to do these things. Happy if it doesn’t look like it however because then this means I’ve done my job and succeeded with it.
Walter colour and ink brush pen on ticket board, 35cmX16.51cm.